What her heart desired
by Loverofallfiction
Summary: No matter how much Emma wished that the events turned out differently, she could only watch from where she was standing. For the first time in her life, she was given a situation that she couldn't handle through action or magic, and the worst thing about this trip to the Underworld was that she had to let Killian go. 5x15 speculation One-shot
No matter how much Emma wished that the events turned out differently, she could only watch from where she was standing. For the first time in her life, she was given a situation that she couldn't handle through action or magic, and the worst thing about this trip to the Underworld was that she had to let Killian go.

Killian had already said his goodbyes and was walking behind his brother to the spot where they were allowed to move on. She didn't miss Killian's eager grin that he threw his brother. She smiled to herself when she saw his infectious grin. Emma was genuinely happy that Killian was going to find the peace that was denied to him for centuries and move on to whatever awaited him in the afterlife. Despite the smile, her mood turned back to melancholy when she realized that this was the last time she would see his smile. She let out a heavy sigh as her mind drifted to the events that took place just a few days before.

* * *

Even after Emma healed Killian, Killian seemed unhappy. He immediately removed himself from the couch to assist with the efforts to defeat Hades. She watched as he looked over the plans with David, only adding his two cents when they came up with something he didn't agree with. Leaning against the doorframe, she noticed he looked so tired and weary. Emma suspected that it was due to his time in the Underworld. The discussion was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Who would have thought that Liam Jones was in the Underworld? Not that it mattered. Liam brought the most sincere smile back on Killian's face-the second one to grace his features since she rescued him from the River of Lost Souls. She was eager to meet the brother Killian often spoke fondly about in Storybrooke.

The first thing she noticed about Liam was the same charm he shared with Killian as he greeted everyone warmly. However, something seemed off about his introduction to her. Her thoughts were short lived when Killian eagerly tugged on her arm to another area of the house. Emma didn't notice how much time had passed after Killian dragged himself, Liam, and her to the kitchen. She watched as Liam fondly looked at Killian as he recounted some of his tales, but she didn't miss the dark look he threw at her when Killian mentioned her. The tales were interrupted when David called for Killian, leaving Emma and Liam alone in awkward silence.

"He isn't happy here." Liam began, his gaze disapproving.

Emma's eyes narrowed at his suggestion. Liam had only been here for a couple of hours and was already deciding what was best for Killian. She didn't come to the Underworld just to leave empty handed.

"I know. He just needs to leave this place. He will be happy when he returns home." Emma answered calmly.

Even though she had a feeling Liam didn't like her, she was going to be civil to Liam for Killian's sake.

"Let me guess, with you? From everything I heard, you got him here in the first place. I've yet to see you make him happy." His eyes challenged her to prove him wrong, when she was slow to respond, he dismissed her by walking out of the kitchen door.

Emma's eyes lifted up when she saw Regina sit down on the kitchen chair across from her.

"I don't think he likes you." Regina observed, bringing a cup of tea to her mouth.

"He doesn't think I'm good enough for his brother." Emma admitted, glaring at a hole in the floor.

"He'll come around. Hell, you know how long it took for me to warm up to you and your family. It will get better. I promise. "Regina consoled, giving Emma a reassuring squeeze on her shoulder before walking out of the door.

Emma smiled sadly to herself as she watched Regina's retreating back. She wished that the woman's words were true, but she didn't think Liam would warm up to her as long as she stayed in the Underworld.

* * *

After the conversation with Regina, Emma had a feeling in her gut that something was wrong. She ran outside to look for Killian. As she made her way forward, she heard Killian's voice. Closing the distance between her and the Jones brothers, she was able to pick up the conversation.

"Now, we can finally be together again as a family." Liam reasoned.

Emma clenched her fists at her side as she watched Liam's word sink into Killian. She couldn't let Liam get to Killian, not if she could help it.

"Killian…" Emma began, not missing the look of shock on the brother's faces when they realized she overheard their conversation. She wasn't going to let Killian leave without her attempting to talk to him. "Please, don't. You should come home." She pleaded.

She watched Killian run his good hand through his hair in exasperation. He looked torn as he looked helplessly to Liam and back at her.

"Why bring me back, if I should move on?" Killian's eyes pleaded with her to give him a reason to stay.

Her breath came out as a stifled gasp as the air suddenly became hard to breath. His words were like a punch to her gut. She opened her mouth to tell him how much she loved him. How when he died, it felt like her entire soul got ripped apart. How for days she laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling because she was unable to function without his presence. The back of her eyes started to burn as she felt the tears starting to build.

She met the hard gaze of Liam. His eyes were daring her to answer his brother's question. She looked away, trying to come up with an answer and not giving him the sense of satisfaction of breaking down in front of him. She realized that whatever reasons she had to give to Killian were selfish. A traitorous, lone tear fell down her face when she made the decision to not stand in Killian's way anymore. She gave a tight lipped, defeated smile in Liam's direction before brushing past the Jones Brothers. The ball was now in Killian's court to do what he wished. She was going to support him in whatever decision he made-even if she had to watch him walk away from her forever.

* * *

The sound of water dripping on the cavern floor brought her back to the present. This whole trip to the Underworld was to save Killian, and in the end, he saved himself by his own choice. There was a lot of things she was going to miss in Killian's absence. He wouldn't dance with her anymore at balls. He wouldn't talk in the middle of watching a Netflix movie when he saw something he didn't understand. She was going to miss his looks of confusion when he didn't get the reference to her quotes. Lastly, he wasn't going to comfort her when she needed it. " _I have yet to see you fail,"_ he once told her _._

Those words echoed in her mind now. They seemed to be as vibrant as when they were uttered to her when she lost all hope in Neverland trying to save Henry. Killian was always able to support her when she doubted her abilities. Emma tried to be strong as she watched him go, but remembering those words broke her. She had to cover her mouth to stifle a sob, threatening to escape from her. It became too much as her knees fell to the ground. Familiar arms cradled her, and she felt her dad cradling her head to his chest. His fingers were running through her hair, trying to comfort her as her body started to shake. She didn't know why she was doing to this to herself, but she wanted to remember everything about Killian before he left her forever.

When she looked up, the golden light surrounded Killian and in the background she could see a castle with pearly white gates-a vision of heaven. He seemed hesitant, looking from his brother and back to her. Her name was imagined coming from his lips. For a moment, she thought he was making his way towards her, or maybe this thought was conjured in her mind because this was what her heart desired.

* * *

AN

I know I should be working on _Through the Centuries_ , but I can't stop thinking about Sunday's promo. I had to get this out there because my stupid muse keeps on disrupting my concentration. I just wanted to write a little one-shot about what's probably going through Emma's head from what we saw from the pictures and the promo. Now, I'm off to find some fluff...or something. Thank you for suffering through this with me!


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